FREEEEEEEDOOOOOM!!!! Day 1 as a Civilian....

Well, I am officially a civilian again. After 6 long years in the army, 27 months of that 6 years being deployed to Iraq, I am finally out. I think it's probably a lot like a person coming out of prison. Feels weird. I feel like I should probably be doing something right now, should be cleaning something or looking over my back just in case someone is trying to screw me.
Don't get me wrong, I don't regret joining the army. I feel like I've grown up a lot in these past 6 years. I know I am a better man, and an overall better person because of the hardships that I've had to endure. I am proud to have served my country. To experience war. It gives you a different look on what is really important in this life. Instead of worrying about what's on TV tonight, I'm just thankful for a real toilet and real paper, rather then cutting my t-shirt to pieces for a wipe and then have to burn my crap once everyone else gets done doin their business....Bottom line, i know what it means to have a life that sucks, and it helps me to appreciate the things that really matter. Like family and friends. I've been away from home for a long time. Missed the birth of my favorite nephew, missed a lot of him and his sister growin up. Missed birthday's and Christmas's. Missed my best friend's wedding. Missed having a real relationship because i was always busy training for war or in war.
Now that my first day as a civilian ends, i sit here a little stressed, not having the security of that paycheck on the 1st and 15th of every month, missing my buddies who i literally trusted with my life....i will admit, I'm scared....that's right folks, a good firefight doesn't scare me a bit, but becoming a failure does....I just have to remember to trust in God and know that everything will work out.
I'll end on one more note....I had a lot of things to think about on my 11 hour drive back home last night. Kept thinking, what I'm going to do now with my life? thought a lot about a girl that I've had a crush on since high school....thought about my family and all the memories I hopefully won't be missing...thought about the friends that I get to see everyday from here on out, and the friends I've made throughout my time that i will miss, but definitely see again...
A long chapter in my life has come to an end, and I'm looking forward to seeing what the next chapter has in store....
Wow, this one isn't really written very well, I'm all over the place...oh well, bite me, I'm a civilian, I'll do whatever I want......